As disastrous as getting a DUI while undergoing rehab, Lindsay Lohan’s I Know Who Killed Me is a movie that is as loopy and deranged as its heroine. Lohan plays Aubrey Fleming, an everyday privileged teen who is kidnapped and tortured by a serial killer who has been preying on the local high-school populace. After escaping and waking up in a hospital, however, she tells everyone she is actually an orphaned stripper named Dakota Moss.
If this sounds like bad-movie heaven, you’re close. Here and there, the ridiculousness reaches priceless proportions, including the scream of “terror” Lohan unleashes after discovering in the hospital that most of her right arm and leg have been removed by the torturer (she sounds as if she’s just been denied access to a nightclub). Yet the movie’s more desperate, exploitative elements – from the dashes of torture porn to Lohan’s frequent pole dancing – take away from the campy fun. Instead, we’re left with a weird combination of Showgirls, Saw and – what with Lohan’s robotic hand – The Empire Strikes Back. Now that’s a Hollywood formula you don’t see every day.